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Yes, she had “issues” beyond me but I’d added to them. I was a suicide accomplice.Did exposure of my gun ownership, the boasting of grandkids, our mention of reservations at the Bacara push her over the edge? Her husband proclaimed, it was nothing we said or did. I still felt guilty, guilty for a life of betraying her, using her to ensure my superiority. During the funeral service, I vowed to root out those hidden bravados which fed my ego at the expense of others. I didn't need to compete anymore. I'd won life's rat race. I didn't need ego crutches which made me do evil things. That was my vow as I prayed for Julie’s forgiveness, the forgiveness of being her worst enemy.Back at home, queen of my little tribe, I recommitted myself to, the right side of God.I abandoned my secret puppet shadow, rooted out superiority innuendos and prayed for Julie’s forgiveness. I accepted my sins, re-connected with God and vowed to sin no more. I dissociated from my super mom and wife persona,. Suddenly, as if someone had flipped a switch, everything intensified, all her thoughts seemed ordered and well-contained. And this room, this whole scene, seemed somehow under control, as if nothing could happen to her because she knew what was going on and was in control of every second. It was weird, wonderfully weird, the feeling of exhilaration and power and confidence that that one sniff of the powder had given her.But there was something else, something Sandy and the others knew about, but Chris had yet to learn. Another of the interesting side effects of cocaine, and effect the boys and Sandy were quite looking forward to... cocaine is one of nature's best aphrodisiacs! With a little coke... man, the feelings! Jose's people had a saying, "A little coke makes any cock bigger!" and it was true, nothing heightened the feelings and the sensations of fucking better! What Chris didn't realize was that she had just inhaled enough into her brain to turn her into a helpless,.
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